We arrived at camp on Monday after a one night stop over in Kampala. We tried the local food for lunch, known as a Rolex, which was an omelette wrapped in a chapati. The campsite was overlooking the white nile and had a ton of water sports for us to get stuck into.
Our group hit the sunset boat cruise that evening with food and drinks supplied. Bert took full advantage of this, didn’t touch the food, and got absolutely steaming. By the end of the night, no one had a clue what he was waffling on about.. All we knew was that Bert was back doing what he did best!
Me and Bert had booked a fishing trip the following morning and I dragged the cunt out of bed. Not even a bad case of vertigo can stop that boys passion for getting shitfaced!
We rented out a boat and a captain for $200 and set sail on Lake victoria in search of Nile Perch. We had told our group that we would be supplying plenty of fish for everyone’s dinner tonight!
Lake victoria is the 2nd largest lake in the world and feeds the white Nile river. Unfortunately for us, there wasn’t a fish to be found there all day! These blokes had pulled our pants down. At one point we thought we had a bite and we ended up dragging up a fishing net, which got stuck in our boats propeller!
Luckily, our trip leader had sussed out we never had a fucking clue what we were doing and had bought supplies for dinner. Bert napped off his hangover whilst I took an evening yoga class with a very bendy and very gay Ugandan instructor!
I booked in for grade 5 white water rafing on the Wednesday and Bert decided to sit it out due to his vertigo. I’d done grade 4 rapids a few times, but grade 5 were the next level. Due to my pathetic swimming skills, it’s safe to say I was pretty nervous for this.
It’s safe to say the grade 5 rapids lived up to expectations and were by far the most violent I’ve ever experienced! Our raft got flipped and I got stuck underneath. Luckily the rapids washed the shit stains out of my shorts before we got back to the bus!
We got home, had our final dinner with the group, and said our goodbyes before checking in to a new tent on the campsite. Meaning that me and Bert had to share a tent again. I’d missed the smell of farts and bottles of urine.
We rented some bikes from the hostel, and rode into Jinia town. We visited the local market and went souvenir shopping for the girlfriends. I walked out of the market, and straight over a load of nuts some geezer was drying out on the pavement. Then we got followed by one of the local heroin addicts that wanted to be our pal… We ended up buying so much shit, we had to get a taxi home!
Friday morning I’d shat my pants running to the toilet due to a combination of the night before’s chilli, Bert padlocking our tent shut and a lax sphincter from years of eating vindaloos.. but we’re proper travelers and some diarrhea wasnt going to spoil our day! We headed out for some white water tubing- This was a different spot than the grade 5s for rafting and we did 3s, 2s and 1s. Didn’t give the full course a go because it had more 3s and 4s because of berts vertigo.
Lunch was included with the trip and we were taken to what was literally a shed on the roadside for some Ugandan beef stew, squashed banana, rice and some gloopy shit the locals love. All cooked on an open fire and eaten on small tables!
Our 2 weeks in Uganda was brilliant, and has definitely made me want to do more safari holidays! Wicked experience and all done for about ยฃ2.5k each including flights and the $700 gorilla trecking permit. If you’re thinking of going I’d highly recommend Acacia Africa as a tour company, these guys were spot on, decent food and a damn site cheaper than anyone else we found! As always Bert was a fucking excellent travel partner and had me in stitches every day ๐
kyesadventure 