For my dad’s last few days we rented a hut right on the beach, it was basic, but the location was amazing.
We didn’t do much for four days except swimming in the sea, wandering the beach and the odd yoga class. The perfect end to the old man’s month long holiday. He absolutely loved it and was a great guy to travel with. It was brilliant to have an adventure with him as it’s something alot of father and sons don’t get the chance to do.. I reckon he’s got atleast one more in him before he’s too old! I’m definitely going to miss him out here x
I said goodbye to the old man as he headed to the airport and I headed to Santa Marta to get my hiking shoes on in search of the lost city! As luck would have it Turcol was located next door to my hotel so I booked up with them and set of the following morning for 4 days of sweaty jungle hiking.
I was really lucky to be in a small group with a great Dutch Couple René and Katja who, as luck would have it had a sense of humour as dark and fucked up as mine! Our guides Janeth and Sergio were fucking awesome and looked after us the whole time, even sorting me out with double food portions to satisfy my abnormal apitite!
The first morning we left the Turcol office and drove 2 hours in the bumpiest jeep ride I’ve ever experienced to the start of the trek where we had lunch and began our hike. The first day consisted of 4 and a half hours of steep inclines.. for me this was ok, I’m pretty good at going up hill so enjoyed getting to know the team and taking in the beautiful mountain scenary. We reached the first camp, had our meal and headed to bed for the night.
The second day is where the real work began.. we were woken at 5am for breakfast at 5.30 and on the trail by 6am for 7 hours of hiking. This is also where the first scandal occurred.. some dirty bitch had shat all over the toilet seat in the girls bathroom! Straight away I was reminded of the “phantom shitter” who unleashed a wave of brown terror at St Brendans college during our teenage years!
Personally I found this day the hardest and it was made worse by the rain that hit us in the afternoon but we knew what we’d signed up for. We got to swim in the river at lunch time which was a nice way of cooling down! That morning was also our first contact with the indigenous people who lived on the mountain.. I won’t sugar coat this, these guys are inbred to fuck and alot of them seem severly retarded. Generations of fucking their family members seems to have caused them to forget their useful skills from decades ago such as stone masonry and crafting gold jewellery. Instead they are left only with the ability to make shitty bags, chew coca leaves into a paste and impregnate their underage nieces.. oh and they fucking hate gringos!
The third morning we set out early again and crossed a scary fucking river then climbed the 1200 steep stone steps. We finally reached the lost city which was just as awesome as it had looked in the photos! We were really lucky to have a clear day and the place was a lot less busy than i was expecting. We spent the rest of the morning here learning about its history and admiring the views before heading back for some lunch then started off on our back the way back to civilisation.
By the fourth day we were all hanging and smelt horrendous. And yet again some dirty Cunt had decided to shit all over the toilet seats in the camp.. had the phantom shitter followed me to Colombia? Or was this a local tradition we weren’t informed about? Another 5am wake up for 7 hours or hiking to get us back to where we started!
After 4 hard days we finally arrived back where we started for a lunch and a beer. Now anyone that tells you this trek isn’t hard is a fucking liar, it’s 60km with tough inclines and shitty terrain. It’s mentally and physically hard.. you will be tired, you will stink, you will get eaten alive by mossies and you will get blisters but at the same time it’s been fucking incredible and one of the highlights of my south america trip so far! Ive got to tip my hat to the guides, they are absolute monsters and make it look easy, I have no idea how they are able to do this week after week! René and Katja were awesome to do the trip with, these guys are fit as fuck and were really fun to be around the whole time. All in all the experience was fantastic and if you’re up for the challenge I couldn’t recommend it enough!